


I’m a fool to want you

by Zoesiapie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cute, Draco Malfoy - Freeform, F/M, How Do I Tag, Kind like them, Love, Sinatra, Song - Freeform, This was a challenge, dramione - Freeform, fool - Freeform, hermione granger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoesiapie/pseuds/Zoesiapie
Summary: It hurts to understand you so much more than others and not be able to tell the world inside - do you see how silly it is to want you? Because the world doesn't have to know that you walk into a classroom for me in the middle of the night and smile, and it doesn't have to know that when you do, you make me feel special. It doesn't need to know that you're the only thing I want, the only thing that keeps me grounded. That you're the only thing and that's it.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Kudos: 10





	I’m a fool to want you

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I'm a fool to love you](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/739209) by Sia_. 



[I'm a fool to want you  
I'm a fool to want you  
To want a love that can't be true  
A love that's there for others too]

You have the shadow of a smile on your face when you walk into the classroom in the middle of the night and see me. You break all your stupid rules because of me and end up making me feel so special, when in fact I'm a fool - to want you, to want you so much when you walk into the classroom, see me and smile.

It hurts to understand you much more than others and not be able to tell the world - see how silly it is to want you? Because the world doesn't need to know that you walk into a classroom for me in the middle of the night and smile, and it doesn't need to know that when you do, you make me feel special. It doesn't need to know that you're the only thing I want, the only thing that keeps me grounded. That you're the only thing and that's it.

[I'm a fool to hold you  
Such a fool to hold you  
To seek a kiss not mine alone  
To share a kiss the Devil has known]

Touching you is what makes me feel most foolish: I, who have always despised you with every pore of my skin, realize that if I go a day without touching you, I feel like dying. You are like a cold shower in the middle of winter: you break my certainties, my ideals, my hatred and with your annoying frizzy hair - _Granger, couldn't you cut it at least a little? They are cumbersome_ \- you convince me to make a pact with a devil who takes the form of an unnatural goddess. So imperfect, so know-it-all, so stubborn: how can I not want you? How can I make you leave without taking your lips one last time? 

I should learn to be less of a fool, for when I ask too much you bite me as if I were a demon: you switch sides, you tear down my one belief that I am a soulless monster. 

[Time and time again I said I'd leave you  
Time and time again I went away  
But then would come the time when I would need you  
And once again these words I'll have to say  
I'm a fool to want you  
Pity me, I need you]

The truth is that a monster I really am, don't you ever see what's on my arm when we're standing in the corner of the castle and you undress me with your frozen fingers? You pretend not to know, don't you? Silly then it is you, you show me once again that you are nothing but a stupid little girl: you should tell me you hate me, you should throw me out. After all, that's why I walk away from you with a bitter taste in my mouth, I do what you can't do, I do what you have to do - _good heavens, Granger, one of these days I might end up killing you, how can you not understand?_ ; the problem is that when you turn around, I have the feeling that you won't come back for me and my world without you is nothing anymore, it has no value. 

I go back to being a fool and a coward: tomorrow I'll stick a knife in your back, today I ask you to have pity on me. You acquiesce with half-closed eyes and a bit of resentment: there's really no way to save you if you do this, but I have no say in the matter because you're trying to save me without knowing that I'm a lost cause.

[I know it's wrong, it must be wrong  
But right or wrong I can't get along  
Without you]

The moment we part, the world suddenly becomes an emotionless gray: being so alone disgusts me, especially when I realize that in a house that is no longer my home, there are no doors you can walk through. No wry smiles, no knife-sharp jokes, no nothing. There's just the cold sound of laughter, the echo of hurried footsteps through the dark corridors: it's full of people who want you dead and then there's me, lying to stay alive a little longer and see you one last time - _I can't wait to erase Granger's existence, that nosy Half-Blood._

So right for them, so wrong for you who have been in hiding for months - what does right or wrong mean? Is anyone really right? The only thing I'm sure of is that without you everything stopped making sense. I then discover that it's better not to have you than to stand by and watch you torture yourself, to hear your cries of pain: I've never been so close to losing you forever.

[Time and time again I said I'd leave you  
Time and time again I went away  
But then would come the time when I would need you  
And once again these words I'll have to say  
Take me back I love you  
Pity me, I need you]

I have always been aware of your mercy and forgiveness, but receiving it this time is like a knife in the back. You ask me to stay, stubborn as usual. And I leave, like the fool I always was. Your eyes lose a sparkle that day, but how can I stay after you almost die, how can I stay when you show me that on your body is left the scar of the word I spat at you for years on end?

It's just that without you the world falls apart, my soul is fragmented and I don't know how to put it back together anymore: I've lost in my mind the sound of your voice, the exact shade of your eyes, the unnatural feeling of your fingers touching the Black Mark. I lost you and in losing you I realized that I love you and who knows how many years I've been doing it. Who knows when hatred turned to love, - _Hermione, would you believe it was you all along?_

[I know it's wrong, it must be wrong  
But right or wrong I can't get along  
Without you]

You have the shadow of a smile on your face when you see me walk into the classroom in broad daylight and you light up my soul more than the sun ever did in my entire life. Do I still make you so happy? Is it so wrong that it is I who understands you more than so many others, so wrong that you are able to take my heart in your hands, so wrong that we are so right. Am I a fool to think it strange? You nod and laugh convinced, taking my hand and dragging me into the hallway. I understand then, that I'm a fool only because what makes me a fool is your laugh, your warmth, your finally short hair, your rosy mouth: I love you so much that I've become a fool, I love you so much that the idea of losing you again is heartbreaking. I love you so much that without you I am nothing, and I tell you this all the time as you sleep by my side, afraid that you might hear too much of the sound of my heart - _You know too, Hermione, that before you I was nothing at all._

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is a translation, something I'm not so good at. If there are any errors, please let me know ❤.


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